Taking the Cake: an illustrated primer on asexuality

Link: Taking the Cake: an illustrated primer on asexuality (PDF version)

Text version

Page 1

Right side of the page is a person coming out of a cake with a banner announcing the title "Taking the Cake: an illustrated primer on asexuality by Maisha."

Left side of the page is an amorphous micro-organism, saying "Asexuality is more complicated than I thought!"

A definition is listed at the bottom of the page. "Asexual: a person who does not experience sexual attraction." 

Page 2

Right side of page 2

The right side page 2 is a femme-looking person sitting on a swing, with the title "About the zinemaker": Hullo! My name is Maisha. This is my very first zine! In the spirit of responsible sociological methodology, I believe transparency about my subject position is very important. I am by no means an authority on asexuality, nor should this zine be viewed as the final work on or ultimate guide to asexuality. I definitely didn't cover everything about my asexuality in 10 pages, and I may have even goofed some stuff up. I'm human and my work is colored (though it [the zine] be in black and white) by my perspective and experience.

Age: 23 at the time of this writing. I am not a vampire and I do age.

Location: Portland, OR

Assorted identity tags: asexual, queer, cisgender, white, able-bodied, femme-ish, female.

Grab bag: social justice, tea, dinosaurs, kids, crafts, webcomics, chocolate, bicycling, singing along very badly, vegetarian cooking, gardening, community with tomatoes.

Other works of the illustrated sort

• Sex Talk, a comic about communication, consent, and gettin' it on online at tinyurl.com/sextalkcomic
• Lifelines (an autobio webcomic that updates at random) tinyurl.com/maishacomic.

This zine was produced in 2012. Alter, excerpt, copy and distribute at will!

Left side of page 2

A series of post-it notes with the following content:

Asexual: a person who does not experience sexual attraction. Asexuality is..."totally normal!" "considered a sexual orientation (or lack thereof)" "a community: about 1% of people identify with/in the asexuality community" "a spectrum and an umbrella term" "a label"

Below the post-it notes is a spice rack with spice jars each labeled differently. On the shelf is the title "Asexuality Comes in a Lot of Flavors": 

• Aromantic: someone who does not experience romantic attraction
• Ace: shorthand for asexual, like bi is short for bisexual 
• Demisexual: a person who experiences sexual attraction only after forming a strong intellectual or emotional bond with someone and not at "first sight."
• Heteroromantic: romantically attracted to people of a sex different from one's own sex.
• Homoromantic: romantically attracted to people of the same sex as one's own sex.
• Grey asexuality, aka grey-A: somewhere between sexual and asexual, such as a person who very rarely experiences sexual attraction or once did but now doesn't.
• Repulsed: someone who is squicked out by the thought of themselves having sex. Ew!
• Indifferent: someone who feels pretty "meh" about sex, neither very repulsed nor enthusiastic about it.
• Panromantic: romantically attracted to people of many genders
• Biromantic: romantically attracted to both women and men
• More in the back room! Just ask! :)

Page 3

Right side of Page 3

A person with a long black braid is dressed as a chef in a kitchen with ingredients and a cookbook. She speaks:

"Attraction is kind of like a recipe. A lot of ingredients go in but it can be hard to tell them apart in the finished product. Some people have more of some ingredients than of others. Asexual people don't have sexual attraction at all."

Ingredient labels: Romantic attraction, aesthetic, sexual attraction, sensual attraction.

Cookbook: Identity recipes. Attraction, serves 1. X cups of aesthetic attraction, X cups of sensual attraction, X cups of romantic attraction (leave out for aromantic), X cups of sexual attraction (leave out for asexual). Aesthetic attraction is finding someone good-looking but not necessarily in a sexy or romantic way. Sensual attraction is a desire to do sensual things with a particular person, like cuddling or hand holding. Romantic attraction is what makes a person want a romantic relationship with a particular person. Sexual attraction is the desire to do sexual things with a particular person.

Left side of Page 3

A bookshelf with the title Resource Library. Books are grouped by subject area.

Online communities:

• Aven: Asexuality visibility and education network: asexuality.org
• Apositive: a sex-positive asexual forum: apositive.org
• Acebook: asexual dating site: ace-book.net
• Asexualitic: asexual dating site: asexualitic.com

Information:

• Asexual explorations: asexualexplorations.net
• Asexuality studies: asexualitystudies.org
• Asexuality archive: asexualityarchive.com

Blogs (non-Tumblr):

• Asexual feminisms: acefeminisms.blogspot.com
• Asexy beast: theonepercentclub.blogspot.com
• Shades of gray: grasexuality.wordpress.com
• Love from the asexual underground: asexualunderground.blogspot.com

Tumblrs:

• Ace secrets: acesecrets.tumblr.com
• Asexual advice: asexualadvice.tumblr.com
• Asexual axolotol: asexualaxolotol.tumblr.com
• Cake yeah asexuals: cakeyeahasexuals.tumblr.com
• Demisexuality: demisexuality.tumblr.com
• Gray-asexuality: gray-asexuality.tumblr.com
• Asexuality existis: asexualityexists.tumblr.com
• Asexual education: asexualeducation.tumblr.com
• You know you're asexual when: youknow youreasexual.tumblr.com
• Asexuality-exists: asexuality-exists.tumblr.com
• Ace watch: acewatch.tumblr.com
• Asexual experiences: asexualexperiences.tumblr.com

Vlogs and YouTube:

• Hot pieces of ace: youtube.com/user/HotPiecesofAce/
• Acesomniacs: youtube.com/user/ACESOMNIACS/
• The dapper ace: youtube.com/user/TheDapperAce/
• The asexuality chronicles: blip.tv/theasexualitychronicles/

Documentary:

• (A)sexual: not everybody's doing it: artsengine.net/asexual

Zines

• Asexy life: available from microcosm publishing
• Asexual feminism
• Virgin #1 and #2: alchemistscloset.org/virgin.html

Page 4

Right side of Page 4

An adrogenous person is dressed in painting clothes with a can of paint and speaks: "You wanna be an ally? Here's how."

How to be an ally to Asexuals

• Listen and believe us! Everyone is the expert of their own experience.
• Educate yourself about asexuality. Lots of resources exist. Use them!
• Ask before asking. Not all asexuals want to be your asexuality encyclopedia. Make sure an asexual is open to questions before asking.
• Advocate for asexual visibility. Asexuality gets left out a lot. Include it! Support projects that make asexuality visible.
• Move up, move back. Know when to talk about asexuality and when to listen to asexual voices.

Left side of Page 4

Small images with the title "Asexuality is not":

• A unicorn drawing: Asexuality is not imaginary
• Two pieces of cake with a line drawn through them: Asexuality is not a choice
• Broken cogs: Asexuality is not a dysfunction
• A snowflake: Asexuality is not an attempt to be "special"
• Underpants with "do not enter" on them: Asexuality is not Celibacy, although some asexuals are celibate
• A car gear shift: Asexuality is not a lack of a sex drive, although some asexuals do not have a sex drive

Page 5

Right side of Page 5

Asexual symbols

• Cake is used to welcome newcomers to AVEN, the asexuality visibility and education netowork (an online forum and community, asexuality.org). I like to think of it this way: cake is just as good-and maybe better than-sex!
• The AVEN triangle represents the spectrum of sexual attraction, with black being asexual (at the bottom) and white being sexual, with shades of grey in between.
• 53x+m3=0 can be read as "sex + me = no result"
• A plain black ring on the right middle finger; some asexuals wear this to identify themselves to other asexuals.
• Asexuality flag: black stripe represents asexuality; grey stripe represents grey asexuality and demisexuality
• White stripe represents sexuality
• Purple stripe represents community
• Aces (playing cards) represent asexuality because asexuals often call themselves "aces" for short. Ace of hearts and ace of spades are particularly used.

Left side of Page 5

This page shows a couple with arms around each other, one of them holding a cat. The title reads "Tips for Sexuals dating Asexuals: a guest page authored by Melissa Sweet."

Your partner's asexuality is not a reflection of a "failure" on your part to "make" them be sexually attracted to you. You also can't "make" them be sexual. But you can...

• Understand that you might not understand each other's different sexualities but talk about it often, and talk to other people about it when it's appropriate. You both need supportive listeners!
• Encourage your partner to connect with an asexual community.
• Consent and open communication are key to an awesome relationship - talk about what sex means for both of you, what you feel like you need in order to be with the other person, and most importantly, be honest about what you need and be willing to compromise - but know when you can and can't compromise.
• Just because your partner isn't sexually attracted to you doesn't mean you're not a sexy beast. Your partner's attraction to you isn't indicative of how the world sees you. Appreciate and recognize ways that your partner feels closest to you, which is likely to be nonsexually.
• Read and talk about asexuality and find good resources to be a great partner and ally.

Page 6

Right side of page 6

A rainbow and clouds in a park, with the title "Is asexuality part of the LGBTQ community?

• Asexuality is often not recognized as real or legitimate, or is framed as a choice or something that can be cured or changed. Notice similarities to lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, and queer identities?
• Asexuals fall outside of heterosexual and (cis)gender norms
• Asexuals often go through a coming out process that includes questioning ourselves, serching for identities and labels that fit, coming to terms with our identities, seeking a community of people with similar experiences, and telling other people who we are.
• Asexuality is often left out of classrooms, textbooks, and sex education programs. This exclusion can make us feel alone, invisible, broken, confused, like we don't exist, like we don't matter, and like we don't have futures. Asexuals are rarely depicted in the media; representations are often stereotyped.
• Not all aces are straight and cisgender! Some of us are queer, homoromantic, biromantic, panromantic, trans, genderqueer...
• Many asexuals do not consider themselves part of the LGBTQ community, but many do. There is no simple yes or no answer and no one, monolithic LGBTQ community. Respect individual identities.
• Some LGBTQ folks don't think asexuality should be included as LGBTQ. These folks may believe that asexuality:
  • is not an orientation
  • is the same as slut-shaming
  • is not oppressed or discriminated against
  • can "pass" as heterosexuality
  • betrays the LGBTQ mission to have sex their way

Left side of Page 6

A cassette tape labeled "Myths and other ignorant things people say to asexual people."

• You're probably just repressed. 
• But EVERYONE wants sex!
• So what you're saying is that you're gay, you just don't want to admit it.
• You just haven't met the right person yet.
• You're making that up for attention.
• So you've never had sex ever?
• Hahaha
• You are just too ugly to get a date.
• Don't worry it's just a phase. (Although asexuality may be temporary for some asexuals, the term "phase" is often used to discredit very real feelings. Just because something is impermanent does not mean it's not or never was legitimate.)
• So is it because of your mental disorder?
• How do you know if you've never tried it?