Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

—Mark Twain

Holding on to anger and resentment can be a very painful, and potentially harmful, process. As Stephen Hayes, one of the founders of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy said, “Unforgiveness is like being on a giant hook. Next to you on the hook is the person who has hurt you. The hook is extremely painful. Wherever you go, so does the hook and so does the offender. The only way you can get off the hook is if you allow the offender off first. The cost of not allowing the offender off the hook is, perhaps, a lifetime of unhappiness.”

Just as hostility is noted to have many negative effects,¹ forgiveness is shown to bring many benefits to the forgiver. Some of beneficial effects include the following:^2-12

• Improved mental health
• Improved well-being
• Reduced negative emotions
• Improved satisfaction with life
• Fewer physical ailments
• Reduced fatigue
• Better sleep quality
• Reduced vulnerability to chronic pain
• Less stress
• Lowered levels of disordered eating behavior

What Is Forgiveness?

Forgiveness can be defined as a freely made choice to give up revenge, resentment, or harsh judgments toward a person who caused a hurt, and to strive to respond with generosity, compassion, and kindness toward that person.¹³

When we think of forgiveness, what comes to mind most often is about forgiving an offender.  However, there are other forms of forgiveness as well:

• We may struggle to forgive ourselves.
• We may find ourselves needing to ask someone else for forgiveness.
• We may need to accept a request for forgiveness.