Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than anything on which it is poured.

—Mark Twain

Why should I practice forgiveness?

Any negative emotion you hold onto can become toxic. For example, when you are angry with someone and want to get even, those emotions harm your mind, body, and spirit. It also gives the person you feel wronged by power over you.

Practicing forgiveness can help you let go of anger, sorrow, or other emotions that can harm you. Letting go of negative emotions is hard, and healing takes time. If you stick with it, forgiveness can also help you sleep better, give you more energy, and improve your overall mental health and satisfaction with life.^1-5

What is forgiveness?

There are many ways you could define forgiveness. In this handout, forgiveness means releasing anger and resentment toward someone or something that has hurt you. The hurt can be physical, verbal, mental, emotional, or spiritual. Forgiveness is a process that takes time and dedication. Very rarely is true forgiveness decided and acted upon quickly. Part of that process is identifying what happened, how you were hurt, how it affected your life, and how it changed you.  

If I forgive someone, am I saying that what he/she did to me was OK?

No, although at times it may feel that way. Let's talk about what forgiveness is NOT. If you forgive someone, it does not mean the following:

• You do not have to forget. Despite the saying "forgive and forget," when you forgive someone, you do not have to forget that he or she has hurt you. Hopefully, what forgiveness means is that when you remember the event, strong emotions like anger, hate, sorrow, regret, fear, and anxiety do not overwhelm you.
• You do not have to be friends with the person or have contact with him or her. In fact, it may be in your best interest to stay far away from the person, even if you forgive them.
• You do not have to confront anyone if you feel uncomfortable.
• You do not have to excuse someone or his or her behavior. You can forgive someone and still pursue justice. It may be within your right to pursue charges for some other legal action. If someone has wronged you, he or she is responsible for his or her actions. Your forgiveness does not relieve someone of that responsibility.